


ad astra per aspera

by anoukinspace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, As it should be, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Grumpy Raphael Santiago, I'm Sorry, M/M, Other, Secret Relationship, Sibling Love, Wealth, a lot of it, because why not, i can't tag, it's aljina, izzy is everyone's queen, meliorn has a last name now, so does Magnus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23586934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoukinspace/pseuds/anoukinspace
Summary: The Lightwood family is one of the wealthiest families in New York. Their family name reaches back to the british royalty, and there are incredibly high standards for the Lightwood children to meet. Which proves to be very difficult, looking at their dating lives.The Bane family is one of the wealthiest families in New York. So is the Aljina family. So is the Fairchild family. Their bloodlines reach the core of indonesian, lebanese and german royalty. There are incredibly high standards for the heirs to meet.They get each other.Their parents don't.orThe one where Alec's happiness is threatened to be taken away and everyone fights for him to keep it (and also for themselves to keep their own).
Relationships: Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Meliorn/Jace Wayland, Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago
Comments: 12
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work on here hello nice to meet you all 
> 
> i started having this vague idea one day in class and of course i had to write it and from there, it kinda escalated.
> 
> i'm @anoukinspace on twitter and i guess you could use #aapafic for all things live-tweeting.
> 
> a big thank you to gracee for beta'ing this work and for writing with me at three in the morning. she's ausualmalecstan on here, you should check her out.
> 
> enjoy!

Alexander Gideon Lightwood looks out the window into their perfectly planted flower gardens. The sun is slowly going down over the trees in between his family’s house and the neighbor’s. He lets out a deep sigh, lightly rubbing his temples in circles with his fingers. He hasn't seen Magnus in 6 weeks. His lips long for him and his heart cries for him with every heavy beat.

***

Isabelle Sophia Lightwood stares at the expensive painting hanging over the fabric-covered headboard of her bed. The golden evening light makes its colors shine and sparkle. She sits down on the bed, leaning her head against the wall as she carefully closes her eyes. It’s been 4 weeks since she last saw Clary. Her fingers miss her, and her soul searches for her with every unfelt feeling.

***

Jonathan Christopher Lightwood watches his fingers fly over the keys of the grand piano. The final warm rays of sun match with the soft melody the instrument produces as the day comes to an end. He takes a deep breath, relaxing on the stool. He and Meliorn haven’t seen each other in 4 weeks. His eyes look for them, and his brain circles around them with every passing moment.

_______________

The sun has long given its last goodbye to the day's sky when the siblings find each other in the spacious living room of their house. They all look tired, they allow themselves to when it's just the three of them. Their parents are out for the night, a warmly welcomed change to their normal routine. A longingly awaited chance to get out. They all know, they’re all counting the days. That's why the living room lies in deathly silence. Because of all the things their family has tried to teach them, selfishness was never something they accepted to learn.

All three of them know what a night alone means - time to spend with their partners. But they also know that someone has to stay back, to keep an eye on the house, to warn the others in case their parents come home early, to find excuses, and keep their parents busy while the others get presentable (or home unnoticed if needed). One of them has to stay and be the guard dog.

“C’mon, guys, go already. I'll wait here. It's fine.” Alec’s voice is deep, the responsibility of a big brother clear to hear but it is soft, a tone he reserves exclusively for his siblings.

And Magnus.

He doesn't allow himself to dwell on it for too long. His siblings deserve to be with their partners, and yes, so does he, but he manages. Magnus does too. They manage.

He looks up to see his younger siblings still standing there, torn, not sure what to do. He makes a gesture as to shoo them away, and while Jace turns around with a thankful smile, Izzy comes back to hug her brother. She whispers, “Thank you.” as she wraps her arms around him lightly. Alec knows she understands his smile, so he doesn't bother wasting any words.

The house feels quiet when he hears the door close.

* *

Fingers trace simple patterns on Izzy's back, the expensive fabric of her bordeaux dress, carefully hung over a chair in Clary’s room. Her dark, long curls tickle where they touch Clary’s skin. Izzy looks up to the red-haired girl, long lashes beautifully decorating her deep brown eyes. Clary can't help but lean in and kiss her girlfriend, soft and meaningful.

They’ve been seeing each other for a little over six months now. It's not long, even less so in their circles, but it feels so right, as if there never even was a doubt that they would spend their lives together, no matter how. Clary combs her fingers through Izzy’s black hair, and it's like the stars were created just to describe Izzy's feelings. “I love you.” she whispers. “I love you too.” her girl whispers back.

* *

Jace's head lies on Meliorn’s bare chest and he can hear their heart beating a little faster as he takes their hand and intertwines their fingers. Jace’s stubble has grown out since they last saw each other, and it scratches a little where Meliorn can feel it. It feels good to be here together, and he is eternally grateful for Alec’s selflessness. It must've been hard. He takes a deep breath. He tells himself to think about that later and focus on the now. And so he does.

Meliorn’s hands on his back still feel so new, and yet so familiar. What they have is new, barely more than two months. In which, they haven't seen each other for a whole one until today. Every touch, every word is still somehow a little insecure. They are still figuring this out, taking it slow, getting used to each other. But it feels good, and it feels right, and two longing hearts are soothed, if only for now. Meliorn’s voice is hoarse and quiet as they speak. “I missed you.” It makes Jace smile. 

* *

Magnus’ soft laugh through the phone is like medicine for Alec’s heart. Every inch of his body is longing for Magnus and even though a phone call doesn't come close to having him next to Alec, the all too familiar voice through his speakers still helps. It's something, at least. Hearing his voice without the fear of getting interrupted or caught. Alec snorts silently. He’s 25, he shouldn't have to worry about parents catching him with his boyfriend. And yet, in their circles, he's supposed to stay with them, the oldest, the family heir, keep the house and the status and have a nice family with a gorgeous wife and two or three little children playing in the gardens. 

Not happening, Alec thinks. Not a big part of it, at least.

The last months have been awfully quiet between them. He has taken one for the team the last time as well. And how could he not? Meliorn and Jace have just found each other and Izzy has been caving under their parents, so she had to get out.

“You're a great brother, Alexander.” Magnus reminds him, reading Alec as if he was sitting right next to him. 

“How-” Alec starts but then stops, letting out another one of his typical sighs instead, and a smile creeps on his face. “Thank you, Magnus.” If he was sitting next to him, he’d cup his cheek right about now. Alec is desperate for Magnus’ touch. 

“Hey darling, it's okay. It won't be like this forever.” His boyfriend soothes him, voice soft and private indicating that this is intimate. And it is. Magnus knows better than anyone else that the oldest Lightwood son still has trouble expressing and figuring out his feelings, and Magnus is there to teach him, to take his hand and go step by step. The tone of Magnus’ voice is a promise, telling Alec he won't push, and that whatever he's feeling is okay.

“You'll be here next week. Just keep that in mind, think about that.” 

And so Alec does, smiling because then, almost two months of homesickness will be over. For one day, for one whole day, they'll have each other. Enough to catch up with everything that has happened. Alec won't miss it. This one day every year is sacred. It's their third anniversary, and Alec would burn the city down if he had to in order to spend that day with his boyfriend.

“Yeah.” Alec says softly, because that thought is enough to make him feel at ease.

* *

Miraculously, both of his siblings are back home before their parents arrive, even if only by a minute, in Izzy’s case. She has some covering up to do, but her brothers keep their parents busy until she is back, smiling brightly, the marks of this night well-hidden.

They all stroll around the living room. Chit-chatting, following their daily evening routine. It's impolite to leave their parents without the standard set phrase questions and receiving the standard set phrase answers, and so they do. It leads to nothing, but it’s tradition, that’s just how their life works.

“Mother,” Alec calls for Maryse when his siblings are already gone, silently praying to whoever might be out there that this will go smoothly. 

“Alec. What is it?” Her voice is stern and unwavering, and her son already sees his chances crushing down. 

“Magnus has asked me to help him with a project next week. I'll be spending Thursday with him, if there isn't an emergency.” He informs her nonetheless, mirroring her posture: his voice is stern and confident and he stands up straight with his shoulders pushed back. 

“What kind of project?” She asks, and her voice lets nothing through. 

“Something about properties." She doesn't look too pleased. His mother doesn't like Magnus, he's too open-minded and free-spirited for her; but then again, she doesn't have much of a choice.

Magnus' family is the top of the top, even wealthier than the Lightwoods. Magnus can allow himself to wear make-up and dress as excessively as he does (not that Alec is complaining), because the others simply have to tolerate him. Rule number one in the upper circles: never mess with anyone who is higher on the social pyramid than you are.

“Alright. I expect nothing but the best behavior from you.” Alec nods, and he has to force himself not to chuckle. Oh, if only she knew.

He says his goodnight and disappears into his room where Jace is already waiting for him. It’s not an unusual sight, they are brothers, best friends, and spent most of their childhood like this.

Alec closes the door behind him, eyeing Jace carefully. 

“Is everything okay?” He asks, walking toward his bed where his brother is sitting. 

“Yeah,” He nods, and a few loose strands of his blond hair fall into his face while doing so.

“I actually just wanted to thank you. That was the second time in a row you let us sneak out and waited here.” Alec shakes his head and raises a hand to wave him off. 

“I’m just being a good, responsible big brother” He shrugs, and the younger man chuckles. 

“Well, yeah, but this can't be easy for you. I mean…” He trails off when he sees Alec nodding.

“I mean, of course it isn't.” He says, looking at his hands. He never really had been one to keep eye contact in a conversation, it made him nervous more than anything. 

“We’ve been together for almost three years now,” he elaborates, and Jace watches him carefully, “and I can almost count the times we spent more than two hours together on one hand.” Alec exhales dramatically. It’s been a while since he has talked about it to anyone, and it does feel good, he has to admit. 

A secret relationship doesn't have any of the charming qualities that you read of in a book, it’s not romantic, it’s not intriguing, it's just exhausting and tiring, it’s hard and heartbreaking. Alec would happily change his situation if he could. God, he wouldn't even hesitate if the circumstances weren't as hopeless as they are.

“I’m seeing him on Thursday, though. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Asmodeus is out of town and I told mom we're working on some business project.” Jace laughs, and Alec follows, the thought bizzare for their situation. 

“Mhm, business, for sure.” He chuckles, making his best friend slap his arm, laughing out a “shut up.”

“I’m happy for you.” The blond man says when they calm down. “You deserve to be with him.” And Alec smiles an honest, soft smile. 

Then, he turns to Jace, deciding he has said enough about his love life. “And you? How are things with Meliorn? God, I haven't seen them in ages.” 

Now it’s his brother’s turn to wear that stupidly fond smile. “They're good. Actually a lot better than last time. I mean, their situation still sucks, but they seem to take it a bit better now.” The elder one nods understandingly, and Jace can see the compassion clear in his eyes. 

It’s one thing to be forced to live a sexuality that isn't you, that's forced on you, but it is another thing to be forced to live in a whole identity that isn't you, that's forced on you, and that's making you uncomfortable every second of your life. Meliorn really drew the shortest straw out of all of them. 

“It’s funny,” Alec starts after a while of silence where everyone chases their own thoughts, “How we live in a position so many people want to live in. We have the status, we have the money, the big houses and the meticulously well-kept gardens, and yet, when you see behind the facade, that's all that is, really. Facade. Smile, chin up, back straight, don't let them see you, let them see your perfectly crafted image. It’s nothing to desire, when you think about it.”

Jace nods, continuing the thought his brother started. “Look at Simon and Raphael. They work part time jobs to pay for college, live in a cramped, affordable studio near campus and walk there because they can't afford a car. But they're together, and happy about it, and even their families stopped caring. Sure, it’s stressful, but sometimes I think they're the ones to be envied, not us.” He shrugs as a final statement, leaning back on the bed. Alec hums in agreement, mirroring his brother by letting himself fall back on the bed. 

When he finally looks at his watch, it’s well past 2 am and Jace seems to have fallen asleep. It takes Alec back in time, to when they were kids. Jace used to do this a lot, especially when he was unnerved or sad or angry, whatever his reason was. When he couldn't sleep, he’d sneak into Alec’s room, and they’d talk, or sometimes they’d just lie next to each other on the unproportionally big bed, until the younger one was asleep. Back then, he’d tug Jace in on one side of the bed and then lie down on the other one. They rarely did it anymore, but Alec savored moments like these. It was good, knowing that after all these years, it still felt natural. 

But now, Alec is tall and the bed seems far smaller than it once did,and Jace is wearing an expensive shirt, which his mother would kill him if he slept in. 

And so he tugs on Jace’s arm, trying to wake him up as gently as possible, until he finally opens his sleep-filled eyes. 

“I didn’t want to interrupt your dreams,” His big brother whispers, “but mom will kill you if that shirt is wrinkled tomorrow and I will kill you if I can’t sleep because you’re occupying all of my bed.” He chuckles under his breath. “I’m truly sorry.” He grins nonetheless, and Jace, slow but steadily, gets up and glares at him. 

“I hate you.” he mumbles, his voice as sleep-filled as his eyes. 

“I love you too, brother.” Alec responds in a chuckle, and then Jace is gone and suddenly, his room is empty again.

Even with the bed all to himself, Alec barely sleeps.

* *

When Alec is woken up the next day, he feels absolutely beaten. His train of thought got the best of him last night, and he fell asleep when the sun was already rising. Family breakfast isn't a thing on weekdays, but Sundays aren't exactly normal days in their household for reasons that remain a mystery to Alec to this day. He tortures himself out of bed and thanks heaven that he doesn't have to share a bathroom with his siblings. They see right through him, and Alec is definitely not ready for interrogations yet. 

He steps under the shower, shuddering a little at the contact with the not quite heated water. He relaxes into the feeling once the water is hot, and takes a moment to clear his head for what is about to come. Family breakfasts are never a pleasure, his mother is already energized by the early morning hours, and his father is normally uncomfortably quiet. Alec isn't a morning person, never has been. Neither are his siblings, but he is without a doubt the worst one out of the three of them. Which doesn't come in handy when you're the firstborn. It’s a curse on all levels, really. 

He steps out of the shower and gets ready for the day. One of the worst things about this situation is the unacceptability of sweatpants, he thinks as he stands in front of his enormous closet. 

How fitting.

Even when it’s just the five of them, their parents still demand a certain degree of formality - something Alec is certain to change with his kids.

If he will have them, he adds in his mind, and a sigh escapes his lips.

He gets dressed regardless, because he doesn't have much of a choice, after all, and walks out of his room and downstairs to where the kitchen is located, not before texting his “Good morning” to Magnus. Others would probably say it’s corny or cheesy, but it makes both of their days a bit lighter. 

He takes his seat next to his sister, his mother sitting opposite him. Next to her is Jace’s seat who is yet to appear, and his father sits at the head of the table. There is something dooming about his position, right next to his father and right in front of his mother. He isn't protected from either of them like his siblings are, and it makes his legs restless.

Jace arrives eventually, clearly still half asleep, and they start to eat. There is something daunting about the silence, and even though Alec can't quite put his finger on it, he knows something is off. He keeps quiet and hopes it’ll pass, that it’s just tension between his parents, even when deep down, he knows it is more than that. Still, a man can hope.

That is, until his father starts talking. 

“Alec, we need to speak with you.” 

Alec doesn't like the sound of that. He feels his muscles tensing, and so does Izzy, apparently, because she immediately leans closer to him. 

His father looks at his mother, and he can't say he is surprised. His mother had always been the one to lecture them, his mother had always been way harder on them than his father.

She clears her throat and raises her head, eyes sharp as always. “Your father and I, we both are getting older, and we reached an age where we think it is responsible to hand over our duties to our eldest.”

No. Alec doesn't like the sound of this at all.

“Mother…” he speaks up, but the woman glares at him with raised eyebrows and shuts him up effectively.

This is not good. No, this is bad. 

“Of course it wouldn't be just for you to carry all of this alone, and so we have made a decision.” She takes a deep breath as to prepare herself of what is to follow. “Alec, you will have to find a wife.”

Alec’s breath is sucked out of his body as soon as the words reach his brain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me. it gets better eventually, i promise.
> 
> a big thank you for gracee who not only betas and helps me write but also found out how to use italic. couldn't have done it without you. 
> 
> i'm @anoukinspace for death threats and cookies and i guess #aapafic works for the live-tweeting.
> 
> enjoy.

"WHAT?"

It is Izzy who first finds her voice again after the massive bomb their parents just dropped on Alec's head without as much as a warning. Jace just stares between his siblings and his parents.

"Mother, I don't think I'm ready for this kind of decision yet." Alec says, his voice filled with faux confidence while the explosion in his mind slowly sets a fire in his stomach. 

"Alec, this is not a discussion. Either you find a wife yourself, or we'll do it for you." 

Alec can _feel_ Jace's jaw drop. Izzy next to him tenses almost as much as he himself. 

" _Mom_ ," he repeats, the tone in his voice pleading, almost bargaining, as he hopes to get through to her motherly instincts. 

What a fool he is to believe she even _has_ motherly instincts. 

"Alexander, this-" his father starts, voice low, but Alec cuts him off.

"Don't call me that." He whispers through gritted teeth and gets up from his seat and out of the room, footsteps heavy on the old, wooden stairs. The door to his room falls shut with a loud bang, and he locks it in a matter of seconds.

When he is finally alone, he sits down on his bed, his hands shaking. This is not good. No, this is really, really bad. He can’t marry. He can't abandon Magnus. He can’t just “find himself a wife.” Hell, a _wife_. He can’t go out there and marry a woman. Sure, he can pretend to be straight with his parents as long as he doesn't have to do anything to prove it. But _marry a woman? Have kids?_ Alec laughs bitterly. No. There’s just no way.

But then again, he can’t just go out there and come out. Waltz out there like it’s nothing saying, “I’m sorry mom but, I won’t find a wife because actually, I’m gay and, surprise surprise, in a loving relatioship with Magnus Bane, the person you potentially hate most on this planet.” He’d love to, but he can’t. He depends on his parents, as much as he hates it, and there isn't really a way to change that. Without his parents, he wouldn't have anything. It’s complicated.

A gentle knock on the door pulls Alec out of his thoughts. He doesn't respond. He has the right to react the way he did. And right now, he really isn't in a mindset to talk. 

“Alec, it’s me.” his sister's voice resonates from outside the door. “I’m alone.” she adds, and she sounds worried and hesitant. 

The man finds himself walking to the door and unlocking it, craving his sister’s comfort. The door opens for Izzy to rush in before Alec locks it again. Right after, he falls into her open arms, shaking, trembling, tears welling up that he frantically tries to blink back. She walks to the bed, gently sitting the both of them down. 

“Hey, Alec, it’s okay. Let it out.” As if he had waited for those walls, the tears start to run down his face and he closes his eyes, tightening his grip around Izzy.

It took Izzy all of her strength to keep their mother from running after him and scolding him further. He has left it to Jace to calm their parents down - their mother, mostly - and somehow convinced them that she was the one who could get through to Alec best. Which wasn't a lie, she just probably provided other convincing than her parents thought, or wanted. 

“Hey, Alec, we’ll make it through this. _You’ll_ make it through this. I know you will.” She whispers, her big brother now all but sobbing into her shoulder. She hasn’t seen him like this in forever. In fact, she’s not sure if she has ever seen him like this.

Alec has never been the emotional type. He is quiet, likes to hide in the background as much as possible and keeps to himself. He isn't one to cry, or to really feel. In fact, before meeting Magnus, he wasn’t even one to really laugh. He bloomed with Magnus, and it’s that thought that brings Izzy back to their current situation.

It’s also that thought that makes her realize just how bad this situation is. Alec’s happiness rises and falls with Magnus. Magnus’ happiness rises and falls with Alec. They both learned to live physically separated, but in exchange forgot how to live without each other. Izzy sighs. This fight is going to be a hard one.

She soothingly lets her hand wander up and down her brother’s shuddering back, runs her fingers through his hair and over his forehead, but nothing seems to help. She knows Magnus could probably calm him down, but then again, she isn't too sure if Alec can bear talking to Magnus right now. So she just sits and comforts her brother until he’s stopped shaking.

Then, slowly, she pulls back, trying to look him in the eyes. But Alec looks away, stares at his hands, at the floor, at the walls, anywhere but at her. He fears he will collapse again if he did, and he would rather not, right now. He feels drained enough as it is already, and he doesn't know if he can take another round of crying. He doesn't cry, it's just not him. He has pushed his boundaries enough, he thinks.

Izzy gently puts her hand on his cheek, forcing him to look up. She needs him to see her for her next words, they are too important for him to look away. 

“Hey, Alec, look at me.” She says, softly, and it takes him a moment to follow her words. When he finally does, his eyes look red and swollen, and Izzy’s heart shatters into a million pieces right then and there. “Alec,” she says again, to fully get his attention.

“We’re going to fight this, okay?” She asks, pleading, her eyebrows pulled down in a rather desperate frown. Alec stays still, completely frozen by his emotions. “We’re not letting this happen to you, okay? We’re going to fight for you, all of us.” She continues to look at him, desperate but determined, and eventually, Alec nods, just a scarce movement. It’s enough for Izzy to smile a little, pressing a kiss to the man’s forehead. “I love you, big bro.”

“Love you too. ” Alec hoaxes out after what seems to be an eternity of silence. 

* *

When Izzy leaves her brother’s room, breakfast is long gone. It’s not like she is hungry, anyway. She needs to talk to Jace. This situation involves all of them, and they need a plan, urgently. She wanders through the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, finding each room empty. The chance that he is with their parents is rather small, but Izzy has to take it anyway. She isn't exactly keen on seeing either of them right now, but she’ll do whatever it takes to help Alec before he loses hope completely. 

However, when she steps into her father’s office after receiving no answer for her knocks, she finds it empty. It only then dawns on her that her mother is probably furious about Alec’s reaction, and that her father might have taken her out to get her away from them. 

Neither of them are good examples for parenting, but their father has always been more level-headed when it came to situations like this one.

She almost forgets why she came here in the first place when a voice calls out her name from behind her. “Iz!” Jace calls, jogging towards the door. She looks at him and nods, signaling him to continue the thought he was about to express. “Mom and Dad are gone, took a walk or something like that. I almost couldn’t stop her from running up to his room after you went up there and didn't come back five minutes later…” He shakes his head slightly, and once again, Izzy is reminded of how dreadful this is for all three of them. “How is he?” Jace asks carefully, knowing well how stupid and pointless this question is but finding himself in a loss for other words. 

The woman scoffs. “How do you think he is?” She says, eyes wide, before she is able to compose herself. “I’m sorry.” 

The blond man shakes his head. “I get it, don’t worry.” 

She signals him to follow her and makes her way to the second floor, where the gigantic living room lays. Then she sits down and pats on the cushions next to her, inviting him to sit. Once he obliges, she leans her head on his shoulder and slumps hers, posture falling. 

“He was crying into my shoulder. Like full-on sobbing. For at least fifteen minutes. I’ve never even _seen_ Alec cry before, Jace. Not like this. And there was absolutely no way for me to calm him down. I’m scared to leave him alone up there for too long. This is...” she breathes in and out, breaking her monologue for a second, and then continuing a lot quieter “This is bad. I don't know what to do.”

Jace loops his arms around her small figure. “We’re going to figure something out, Izzy. Don’t worry, we won’t let this happen without a fight.” His sister nods carefully, turning to look at him. 

“Let’s get up there. I’m sure Alec could need a best friend right now.” He doesn't need to nod for her to know he agrees.

Alec’s door is still locked when they stand in front of it a few minutes later, a tray with tea and cookies in Jace’s hands. Izzy knocks lightly, calling her brother’s name. “Alec, it’s us. Mom and Dad are gone. It’s alright.”

They hear footsteps coming closer to the door and stopping right behind it, letting a few moments pass without doing anything. As he finally unlocks the door and opens it a notch, Izzy signals Jace to follow. 

She didn't lie when she said he looked bad. 

His hair is a mess, his eyes are reddened and his face pale, blank of any expression. Somehow, he looks ten years older than he looked a few hours ago. Jace has never seen him as dissolved as he is right now.

When Alec’s eyes fall on the tray in his brother’s hands, he takes a breath and Jace is already preparing himself for some kind of disapproval, but the oldest just shakily exhales the breath he took in. 

_Wow_ , Jace thinks, _it has to be bad when he stops protesting._

Jace is fast to put down the tray and pull his brother in a strong hug. Alec lets himself fall into it, and it feels like every muscle in his body just decided to give up. 

They sit down without a word, Izzy handing each of them a cup of tea. For a long time, they just sit in silence together, until somewhere along the way, Alec loosens up. They spend the rest of their afternoon telling shallow stories and memories to escape the problem at hand.

When the moon rises up into the night sky that evening, Alec’s head is still spinning.

* *

The clock on his bedside table reads 3:02 am when Alec finally has enough of the tossing and turning and decides to get up, tossing himself into an armchair that sits against his wall. His thoughts wander to Magnus like they have so many times this night already, and he instinctively reaches for his phone, his fingers hovering just millimeters above Magnus’ contact before he stops himself.

He hasn’t spoken to Magnus all day.

Under different circumstances, he would have rolled his eyes because they really became _that_ couple, but he doesn't find it in himself to laugh. Somehow, things like that lose their humor when the situation threatens to break down everything you built up for years.

Alec lays his head in his hands and lets out a long sigh.

This whole situation is nothing but a trainwreck.

He knows his parents have wanted to set him up with the Branwells’ daughter for a while now. They've asked him again and again if he doesn't “think Lydia is _such a nice lady._ ” And he does, which is exactly why it’s not going to happen.

Lydia is great, a real friend in need. Alec has spent enough time with her for her to have a special place in his heart- as one of his closest friends. Lydia deserves someone who will love her the way she deserves to be loved. She deserves more than someone who could never really fully love her. And besides all that, Lydia _knows._ Has known it from the very start.

Lydia was there when 16 year-old Alec Lightwood, with trembling hands and unshed tears in his eyes, admitted that he liked boys, not girls. She has hugged him when he told her how Izzy was the only one who knew and how afraid he was of telling Jace. It was Lydia he called when he didn't know who else to talk to about Jace and how he didn't know what to do, and again when he figured out his feelings and told her they were okay, that it was all okay.

Lydia was there when 21 year-old Alec Lightwood first met Magnus Bane, who whirled up all the feelings he stored away so far, and it was her he texted when he didn't know what to do. It was Lydia he met up with, a bottle of wine in his hand and dark circles under his eyes, because he needed to talk about this and because he needed advice. It was Lydia who told him to go for it, and it was her he first called after Magnus and him sorted things out.

Lydia is the one who, since then, has never forgotten to send them something ridiculous for their anniversary.

No, this wouldn't happen.

Alec slumps in his chair and turns the light on, albeit dimly. He finds himself pressing his thumbs into the space between thumb and index finger, a nervous habit he can’t seem to shake. He has long lost count of the times Magnus has taken his hands and linked their fingers to stop Alec from fidgeting.

And there he is again: Magnus.

He takes his phone again, actually checking it this time, and is greeted by not one, but six unread messages. It physically hurts him, but he goes to open them anyways.

_Good morning, darling. I hope you survive breakfast._  
8:07 am.

_Oh, it seems they're not letting you go. Don't let them eat you alive._  
11:37 am.

_Alexander, is everything alright?_  
2:21 pm.

_I’m starting to worry. Call me, please._  
4:51 pm.

_Izzy isn't answering her phone either. Has anything happened?_  
5:45 pm.

_Alexander, please. Talk to me._  
6:14 pm.

Alec breathes in and out heavily, he can feel the tears pressing from behind his eyes again already. He closes them and takes another carefully calculated breath, before typing an answer.

_We’re okay._  
3:18 am.

He takes one last look at the contact-photo of the man he loves, and then he turns off his phone and tosses it onto a corner of his bed. Something in his mind blocks him from talking to Magnus. He knows it would make him feel better but he just… can't.

He looks out of his window, and while his thoughts circle around Magnus, Lydia, Izzy, Jace, his parents, and back to Magnus, he watches the sun rise over the most expensive roofs of New York.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize in advance. it's got to get worse before it get's better. (or to quote myself: fall out boy said "sometimes before it gets better the darkness gets bigger" and i said "gotcha"). please don't lynch me.
> 
> for death threats, crucifixions and other intense reactions, it's twitter @anoukinspace.
> 
> i'm sending kisses and all my love to gracee, for helping me write, beta'ing and angsting with me. you deserve everything. 
> 
> i guess #aapafic works if you're into the live-tweeting business.
> 
> alright. now enjoy.

When Magnus wakes up the next morning and sees Alec's message, he calls him. He can't stand being unaware of what's bothering his boyfriend, because despite what he might be saying, Magnus knows that Alec is, in fact, not fine. 

Alec doesn't answer.

When Magnus hasn't heard from Alec half an hour later and his texts remain unread, he calls Alec for the second time that morning. Alec has overcome his habit of shutting Magnus out in times of need, he learned that he could help. 

Alec doesn't answer.

When Magnus frantically checks his phone an hour later and still can't see any reaction from Alec, he calls him again. He can't imagine what's so bad that Alec wouldn't let him in, even when he pretends to be fine.

Alec doesn't answer.

When Magnus hasn't gotten any sign of life from Alec by noon, he decides that calling doesn't cut it, and he starts his car to drive to the Lightwood property. He prays the Lightwood parents aren't home, he'd rather not face Maryse Lightwood right now. But if that's what he has to do to make sure Alec is okay, so be it. 

He lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding as he sees the driveway to the house is empty, which means the Lightwoods are most likely not at home. He frowns a moment, asking himself if maybe Alec would've gone with them, but then shakes his head. He can't imagine a situation so bad that Alec would choose to accompany his parents when he has the choice to stay at home, and as far as Magnus knows there isn't any major event scheduled for another few weeks. 

Magnus closes his eyes and breathes in and out deeply once, bracing himself for whatever situation might wait for him outside his car. His hands find their way to the car's door, opening it in a sudden jolt of bravery. He's just about to ring the bell when he spots a familiar patch of dark, disheveled hair in the garden behind the estate.

Another breath escapes him, maybe he doesn't have to face any other Lightwood at all. It's not like he dislikes Alec's siblings, on the contrary, he's quite fond of them, but right now is not the moment to chat. Things are going wrong, that's for sure, and he'd like to speak to Alexander first.

Rose bushes grace the way from their driveway towards the spacious garden, a park, almost, leading Magnus the way towards his boyfriend. Lost in thought, he picks a blossom and twists it in his fingers. It's nice to look at, a pale shade of pink, and under other circumstances, Magnus would've made a ceremony of putting it on a nice spot in Alec's hair. But today is not the day, he sighs, shaking the thought away and taking Alec in from his hideout. 

To say he looks bad would be an understatement. 

His hair is a mess, his clothes are wrinkled and mismatched. His brows are furrowed down deeper than the normal frown. His eyes look sunken and dull, and dark shadows circle them. It looks like he hasn't slept. But what stands out most to Magnus is that his normal poise is gone from his body. The pride and confidence he normally holds himself with, is gone. His shoulders are slumped and his back forms a small curve. He looks so much smaller like this, and although he, of course, still towers over the plants in his physical height, the man hidden in the body lacks that height significantly.

Magnus' heart cries out at the sight of seeing him like that, the sorrow and pain flowing out of him clear for anyone to see. He clenches his hand tightly around the flower in his hands, its small thorns pressing into the soft skin of his palm, and it grounds him, leading his brain back to Alec and what Magnus knows he needs to do for him. 

It's clear to him something is towering over Alec so bad he feels like he can't talk to Magnus. It's happened before. This is not the first time Alec tried to shut him out because of his sorrows or feelings. What worries Magnus about it is that it happened now. They have grown so much over this past year, have learned to talk and communicate and how they worked. Alec learned a lot about relationships (as did Magnus), and has learned to openly talk to Magnus when something was wrong. 

He hasn't shut him out in a long time. Magnus can't find a reason as to why he did now.

Looking at Alec, taking him in again, he knows this isn't going to be a pleasant conversation. Alec doesn't want to talk. Or maybe he does, but he doesn't know how. Or maybe he does, but something deep inside him is blocking him to do so.

Hesitantly, he takes a step, approaching the brown-haired mess of a man Alec appears to be. He takes another deep breath and then starts walking until he has finally reached him. A second passes before Magnus finds it in him to clear his throat. "Alexander," he says, as softly as possible.

* *

Magnus can see the muscles under Alec's shoulder blades tense even more than they already are. He sees him breathing in heavily, then shakily exhaling that same breath, and then Alec turns around. 

He looks even worse up close, Magnus thinks, his heart clenching in his chest. The normally sparkling hazel eyes look empty, almost lifeless. The whites around them are reddened, and his eyes look swollen.

His heart starts to riot the second his brain processes what those symptoms mean. Alec has been crying. A lot, if his puffy eyes speak for anything.

Alexander doesn't cry. Magnus has never seen Alec cry. He's seen him with foggy eyes, a single tear rolling down his cheek, but never like _this_. He looks like he has been crying for hours.

His faint voice pulls Magnus out of his thoughts so abruptly he can almost physically feel himself colliding with reality. He looks at Alec, looks him directly in the eyes, and it's like that second of eye contact is enough for Alec to dissolve yet again, something in his eyes breaking at the very moment Magnus looks at him.

"Magnus," he coaxes out, "What are you doing here?" 

Magnus has to stop himself from reacting impulsively, taming the emotions brewing up in his chest. He takes another second just to look at Alec, to scan his features and everything that looks so out of order. 

"I was worried about you, Alexander," he says, merely whispering as if he was talking to a scared fawn. 

"I'm fine," Alec answers, and his eyes quickly move away from Magnus' face, flying over the trees behind him instead. It's a lie, there's no attempt concealing it. This is not Alec trying to comfort Magnus, this is Alec trying to make him go away. A sign that he really, really doesn't want to talk about it. It hurts Magnus badly, albeit less because of the rejection than because of the deep pain Alec is holding inside that no one seems to be able to take off.

"No, you're not. You're hurting. Badly." He says, softly but determined, and moves closer to Alec. The tall man tenses and backs away quickly. This time, it is the rejection that hurts Magnus. 

"I'm fine, Magnus," he repeats, his eyes still cast away into the distance, and, when he sees Magnus making an attempt to move toward him again, adds a soft "Please, just… go. I need to be alone now." 

Magnus' eyes sting dangerously, and he knows he should go, but something inside of him protests, screams at him to stay with his boyfriend, whose shattered heart lies on the ground in a million tiny shards, clearly visible for Magnus to see. And somehow, that something wins over all his rational thoughts, his feet staying on the spot he's standing on, not walking away like they ought to. 

"You're clearly not!" he says, sharper than intended, and curses himself instantly as he sees Alec flinch away from him. Tears start to form in his eyes, and his attempts to blink them away stay unsuccessful. "Alexander, please, it's me. Don't do this to yourself." 

Something in Alec's gaze shifts, his eyes widen for a second and then squint together slightly, trying to keep his vision free of tears. "Please go," he all but _pleads_ , taking in shallow breaths that never really seem to reach his lungs. When he sees that Magnus makes no attempt of moving, he swallows down the hoarseness in his voice and whispers "Magnus." It's almost inaudible, but Magnus can sense the desperation in the way his name is spoken. 

He wants nothing more badly than to hold him, to let him cry on his shoulders, like he himself has done so many times before, to tell him that, whatever it is, it will be okay. But he can't get behind Alec's protective shield, he can't reach him. And so, his own desperation takes over.

He's about to raise his voice, when his boyfriend's voice cuts through the air, louder than expected and sharp like a sword, tearing his flesh from his bone. 

"Just leave me alone!"

He can feel the emotions flooding his ribcage and finds himself unable to hold back. "For what? So you can go back to sulk over whatever thing you're refusing to tell me?!" Anger, despair, pain, and fear seem to take over him, shaping his words without his consent. The words hurt him as he speaks them, but he can't fight them.

"It's none of your business!" Alec almost yells, and Magnus can see his hands and shoulders trembling as he holds himself together as good as he can. 

Magnus feels as if he’s stabbed right in the chest, his words flowing out like blood out of a wound, mind- and thoughtless. "It's always my business if it's about you!" 

He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth, and even more as he sees Alec's reaction. It's like those words were the final punch, the check-mate. His clenched fists fall open, his hands starting to tremble more violently. It is as if all strength that held him upright leaves Alec's body at once, his head falling and his knees giving up under the weight of his body, his arms stretching out barely in time to feather his fall. His shoulders start to shake rhythmically, and it's only when he lifts his head to look up at him that Magnus realizes he is crying. He wants to reach out for him but holds himself back, the fear of overstepping the line again weighing on his shoulders.

"Please, Magnus, just drop it. I can't-" a sob cuts Alec off, the sound of it enough to make Magnus' own eyes fill with tears he's no longer able to hold back. He sees the tears falling onto Alec's cheeks as he presses his eyes shut, collecting himself. His voice is rough and husky when he manages to speak again. "I can't do this right now." 

Magnus finds himself nodding as the tears start running down his own cheeks, washing away the makeup in their way. He holds himself back from falling down next to his love and embracing him until he stops weeping, and instead looks at him one last time, gathering all his strength to whisper out an apology, before he turns around and walks away.

* * 

His hands are shaking when they reach up to his makeup-stained cheeks to wipe the tears away that found their way down to his jawline. He still doesn't know what's happened, just that Alec really, _really_ doesn't wanna talk about it. And that it's eating him up from inside, worse than Magnus has seen him in a very long time. Maybe worse than he has ever seen him.

He clasps his hands together in an attempt to stop them from trembling when he sees a delicate figure from the corner of his eye. He closes his eyes and tries to compose himself, counting to three and releasing a heavy breath. Magnus loves Isabelle, he really does, but right now is not the best time to talk to either of them, to be honest. 

Maybe she didn't see him, Magnus thinks, his pace picking up slightly as he walks towards his parked car. Maybe she just came down to look for Alec.

"Magnus!" Her voice cuts through his hopes and he exhales shakily, wiping at his cheeks once more before turning to her. "I thought about calling you but I didn't know if Alec wanted to talk to you but I'm so relieved you came because I'm really starting to worry because-" She cuts off her rant when she reaches him and sees his face, a canvas of tears and misery. "Oh my god, Magnus. What happened?" 

Magnus shrugs, lacking a better answer or one he could deliver without starting to cry again. He sees Izzy's mind working behind her chocolate eyes, trying to decipher Magnus' answer without having to ask again. Isabelle is a very considerate young woman, he thinks to himself. He finds many of the qualities he treasures in Alec in her as well, though displayed differently. And he is almost sure that, even though Alec is the oldest, he learned at least a few of those qualities from Izzy. 

"So he didn't tell you?" Her tone is soft now, comforting. Magnus shakes his head, attempting a smile that fails horribly, displaying a grimace of the despair still lingering in his brain. "Tell me what?" He laughs, but it's not a happy laugh. 

Isabelle shakes her head softly, taking Magnus' hand, and he finds himself gripping it tightly, clinging to the comfort of the gesture. She leads them inside, through the empty hallways into the living room Magnus hasn't seen in far too long. "I wanted Alec to tell you himself," She starts, and her mouth forms a small, sad smile, "But that might not be the best option right now. Because I really don't know when he will be ready. And you deserve to know. Now."

She clears her throat and takes both his hands in hers, squeezing them lightly. "So. We had breakfast with our parents yesterday." Magnus nods, that's why Alec dreads Sundays more than any other day. "And well, you can say things didn't exactly go smoothly." She looks sad, heartbroken, even. Magnus squeezes her hands tighter, he can only imagine whatever happened isn't easy for Izzy either. She takes a deep breath, clearly struggling with how to explain what happened as best as possible. "They're gonna make him marry."

_Oh._

Whatever it was Magnus has expected it to be, this wasn't it. He feels his breath leave his body, his eyes widening at Izzy. This explains why Alec doesn't want to talk to him. Or why his breaking point earlier was when Magnus has told him that whatever Alec was dealing with, it affected him, too. Because it does. Because it directly affects Magnus, their relationship.

"He hasn't spoken to them since that. They've given him three days to-" Izzy's fingers shape air quotes, "-get himself together.” She accentuates every word. "I don't know what will happen then." She admits honestly, laying her head into her hands.

"That's why he wouldn't talk to me". It's a simple observation, free of any anger or negative emotion, only his sorrow shining through. 

Izzy nods. "I haven't seen him like that. Ever. He's completely beside himself. He hasn't been eating. He won't talk to anyone, not even me. He's been crying for hours, Magnus. Hours. I can't remember the last time I saw Alec cry." She exhales, rubbing a hand over her closed eyes. "He's worrying me." 

"He's scared," Magnus states matter-of-factly after a moment of silence. "He doesn't want to give us up, but he doesn't know what else to do." 

"And he doesn't want to spend all his life hiding himself away," Izzy adds thoughtfully. "He loves you so much. He has what he never thought he could have, and he doesn't know if he can let it go." 

Magnus nods. He knows he has to do something, but he feels just as lost as his boyfriend does. "I have to talk to him." He all but whispers, looking at Isabelle helplessly. "But I don't know how." 

She lays a hand on his shoulder, "You will." And Magnus can't do anything but nod at her again. He pulls her into a hug, squeezing her tightly. Izzy hugs him back in an instant, her arms tight around his neck. Then she lets him go and pushes him forward. 

"Now go."

* *

For the second time today, Magnus finds himself strolling down the rose-planted paths to look for his boyfriend. He finds him sitting on a bench, twisting a rose blossom between his fingers, not unlike Magnus before. He smiles a little at the situation. _We even share nervous tics_ , he thinks, _the angel help us._

He approaches Alec slowly, keeping a bit of distance between them. “Hey, darling.” He says softly, making Alec look up at him. His brows furrow and then rise slightly, confused and hurt and drained. “Magnus, what-” He coaxes out and stops when Magnus holds up his index finger in a gesture for him to stop talking. 

He slowly moves forward, looking closely to see if Alec makes any attempt to move away. He doesn't. In the end, Magnus kneels down next to Alec, looking up at him. “Izzy told me what happened.” He informs him quietly. 

Alec’s shoulder slump even more and he presses his eyes shut. Magnus takes his hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing their hands together. “It’s okay, Alexander.” The man in front of him just quietly shakes his head and lets a tear fall down from his eyes. 

Magnus pulls himself up, sitting next to Alec and pulling him close, holding him tight and stroking his back when he finally starts sobbing, his tears soaking the expensive material of Magnus’ shirt, but Magnus doesn't care. He just holds Alec, presses his arms tightly around him, and murmurs quiet affirmations to him. 

“Let’s get you inside,” Magnus says finally, voice soft and barely more than a whisper, and Alec nods.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's here. finally. and i can promise you, it's easier on your heart than the last chapters. 
> 
> a huge shoutout to gracee, as always, for proofreading and putting up with my sleep deprived brain, she deserves an award.
> 
> you can send me cookies and other reactions on twitter @anoukinspace or use #aapafic for the live-tweeting TM.
> 
> enjoy :D

Magnus leads Alec to the enormous living room and onto the couch, never letting go of his hand in the process. Izzy sits down next to them, not a word being spoken, just silence wrapping the three up like a soft blanket. Alec exhales deeply, opening his eyes and looking at Magnus, and he knows they’ll find a way out of this. They have to. Alec won’t let anyone dictate how to live his life, not anymore.

There’s a little more hope in him and he is sure Magnus plays no insignificant part in the reason. He leans a little closer to him, the tears having stopped now, and buries his head in the crook of Magnus’ neck, the many necklaces pressing into his skull a little. It feels good to be able to touch him, to have him near. Alec missed him, and though the circumstances are anything but perfect, a little smile tugs on his lips, and he realizes that it’s the first time he’s smiled since yesterday morning. 

“Mom and Dad are away for a few days.” Izzy says after a while, lifting up the silence with her voice. “Dad convinced Mom to take a few days off to calm down.” Alec tenses slightly, but relaxes, forcing himself to think about what that means. They have a few days to themselves. That’s good news.

Suddenly, weariness washes over Alec, the fatigue settling in his bones as his sleepless night, and the weight of all his emotions washes over him. He yawns, stretching his arms to his sides. Magnus lifts one hand up to his cheek, softly caressing it, before he lets it move to his hair and brushes through it once. “Come on, let’s get you to bed, Alexander.” Alec nods, closing his eyes for a short moment before arduously opening them again. He half drags himself, half lets himself drag up the stairs. 

Magnus opens the door to his spacious room, guarding him towards the bed, letting him sit down. He takes off Alec’s shoes first, then his pants and his shirt, but there’s nothing sexual about it. Alec can barely keep his eyes open at this point, and he just feels loved, cared about. Magnus’ hands are gentle as he pulls the socks from his feet, carefully placing his clothes on a chair standing next to the bed. He disappears for a short moment, then returns with one of Alec’s nightshirts. It’s not even five yet, but Alec doesn’t have it in himself to protest, and so he lets Magnus slip the shirt over his head and arms, his hands tracing the tense muscles of Alec’s back, as he feels himself drifting into a shallow slumber.

He feels Magnus sitting up next to him and he shifts into a lying position, softly patting the space next to him. He seems to be understood because he feels Magnus take off his boots and dress down next to him before he lies down on the spot where Alec’s hand was just a few minutes ago. He lifts his head a little to look into the dark brown of Magnus’ eyes, a soft smile appearing on his lips. He sees Magnus smile back at him, and it’s all he ever wanted. His head finds its way onto his boyfriend’s bare chest, his heavy eyelids closing, and feels himself drift into a deep, calm sleep for the first time in ages.

Magnus strokes his head and even when the sun has long set, he doesn't move. He just cards his fingers through Alec’s hair, slides them over his soft skin, and looks at him. There’s hope for them. And he will fight for them with everything he has. They both deserve it.

* *

Izzy meets up with Clary the next day. This is an all-hands-on-deck situation. Even though it’s only Magnus and Alec at the moment, Izzy knows that, albeit not as bad as it happened to Alec, this will happen to them all if they don't do anything. Which just can’t happen. Not only does her big brother deserve nothing but the best, but they all, on a certain level, depend on whatever the outcome of Alec’s situation is going to be.

She will have to make her choice eventually, and so will Jace. How Alec will react to their parents’ command will rule over all of their futures. And that, Izzy decides, simply won’t do.

The café is almost empty when they enter it, each sunken in her own thoughts. Izzy has told Clary about the whole situation as soon as she heard the door to Alec’s room fall shut the day before, and they have decided to find a solution together, not only because it is more efficient to think with two brains instead of one, but also as a sort of moral support. She has seen the way Alec relaxed into Magnus’ arms yesterday, and she knows that Clary has a similar effect on Izzy herself. 

They order coffee when the waitress comes around, and start talking as soon as their caffeine stands hot and steaming in front of them. 

“What if he just refuses to? I don't know, say he’s not ready to settle for marriage yet.” 

Izzy sighs, shaking her head. “Mom said they will find him a wife if he doesn’t. And it’s not that they want him married tomorrow, it’s that they want to see a girlfriend by his side, someone he will settle down with, someone who can give them grandchildren and save the family name.” 

Clary rolls her eyes, taking a sip of the hot coffee in front of her. “Would they be happy if, let’s say, Jace would present a girlfriend instead?” 

The brunette almost laughs. “I highly doubt that. Alec is the first-born, heavy is the head that wears the crown, and I think he’d be even less happy about it.” 

Her girlfriend looks at her a bit puzzled, tilting her head. Izzy takes a deep breath, weighing up the options in her head. Jace wants them to be as private as possible, but this is a drastic situation. Secrets will get them nowhere with this. 

Izzy clears her throat, fidgeting with the napkin in front of her. “Jace and Meliorn have been seeing each other for a while now.” The red-head's eyebrows shoot up in a matter of seconds. 

“Why don't I know about this?” Izzy shakes her head slightly. “They wanted it to be private, because you know, they’re still new and Jace didn’t even realize that he wasn’t straight until a couple of months ago.” Clary nods, and her eyes mirror the same understanding Izzy can only guess to be found on her own. 

She lays her head into her hands, softly massaging her temples with her index fingers and lets out a deep breath. “This is so complicated.” She exhales, letting her eyes flutter shut. Clary lays a hand on her arm, her thumb softly stroking over her skin. “I can’t think of anything right now… but I know someone who might.” Izzy shoots her a hopeful look.

* *

It’s barely half an hour later that two men walk into the cafe, hands intertwined and eyes searching. The taller one spots Clary and pulls the other one to the table where the two women are sitting, heads propped on their hands, looking thoughtful.

A smile lights up when she recognizes them as Simon and Raphael. Simon is Clary’s childhood best friend, a normal New York City boy who she spent most of her childhood with. Jocelyn always wanted Clary to have a normal childhood, sending her to public schools instead of the elitist private ones the Lightwood children did so, like most other children in their ranks, have gone to, if they weren't tutored at home.

Simon is an accounting student and a musician in his free time, and he’s extremely refreshing to be around. It isn’t often that Izzy gets to hang out with others her age, let alone with people her age who don’t have her status. Simon is down to earth, a bit awkward and a bit clumsy but just the more lovable. He’s also extremely smart and clear-headed, and Izzy knows exactly why Clary thought of him in this situation.

Raphael, Simon’s boyfriend, is in many ways the complete opposite of Simon. He’s quiet, usually keeps to himself, and seems far less comfortable around people than Simon does. But Izzy knows that deep down, he is just as compassionate and caring as his boyfriend is, and just as sharp and intelligent. And though neither of them may fully understand the situation, they both have a pretty good idea of what it means. 

_They're a bit like Magnus and Alec_ , Izzy thinks.

Izzy knows that Raphael’s deeply catholic family was anything but happy when he introduced Simon as his _boyfriend_ and that it took them quite a while to get over it. Izzy knows that there are still people in his family who strictly avoid addressing Simon as anything but his “friend” or “mate”, but she also knows that his closest family has accepted it, and she vividly remembers the joy on Clary’s face when she told her how Raphael’s mother had sent them flowers for their anniversary. 

Raphael’s situation gives Izzy hope, and she squeezes Clary’s hand tightly before getting up to greet the boys.

* *

"What about swapping partners?" Simon asks, and Clary buries her head in her hand with a groan in response. After two hours of intense brainstorming, all of them started to run out of ideas. Their ideas were many at first, but none of them proved to be foolproof. From running away over kidnapping to making a scene, nothing really sat with them. Now, they sit around the table on their third coffee, minds emptying visibly and a slight fatigue present on all of their features. 

"No, seriously, couldn't you marry Alec and Izzy marries Magnus and then you just like, move together and swap partners?" Simon attempts, but not even he looks convinced of his own idea. 

"I don't think Alec wants to spend his whole life in hiding. I can say for a fact that he's pretty fed up with it. Hiding, I mean. And so am I, for that fact." She shakes her head at Simon, who shrugs understandingly. 

"And there's no way Alec can just say he'll 'carry the burden'", Raphael draws air quotes into the air, "alone?" His voice sounds drained but sincere, and not for the first time today, Izzy quietly thanks the angels for their friends. She shakes her head nonetheless, taking another sip of coffee. 

"I doubt my parents would be happy with that. I mean, they want to make sure the Lightwood name and our bloodline is carried on. And since they believe me to marry a man and take his last name," she scoffs loudly, "and Jace is adopted, Alec is their only shot." She laughs to herself in disbelief, shaking her head. "Oh if only they knew just _how many flaws_ their plan has." 

Simon smiles at her compassionately, and his hand reaches out for Raphael's subconsciously. At that, Izzy smiles, and her determination grows even more. She will do anything for her brother to be able to do the same thing someday.

After another long moment of silence, Raphael clears his throat. He looks at Izzy tiredly, and she recognises a similar grumpiness in them as in Alec's sometimes. 

"I'm sorry to be rude," he says, clearly tired of this whole situation, "But why exactly can't Alec just come out?" His eyes look questioning, as if he had once known but now forgotten the answer to his rather idiotic question.

The table falls silent as three pairs of eyes pierce him with death glares. He holds up his hands as if in defense, looking at them. "I'm sorry, I just realized we haven't even talked about that option yet."

Clary and Simon's glances stay unbelievable as they look at Raphael, but Izzy's slowly softens. An idea builds up in her head, and so far, she can't find any gaping holes in it. 

"You know what," she says slowly, looking fiercely at her girlfriend, "Raphael might have a point." 

Clary's eyes widen, her furrowed eyebrows suddenly shooting up high on her forehead. Simon next to her wears a similar expression, and even Raphael seems to be confused that she didn't just tell him no and moved on. Clary clears her throat, his eyes still fixed on Izzy, looking shocked.

"What do you mean, Iz?" Clary asks, voicing not just her, but also Simon and Raphael's disbelief. There is no need to discuss it because it isn't really a solution, or that's what everyone assumed- Izzy included. The thought she is thinking apparently didn't occur to anyone else either. 

"I mean exactly what Raphael just said. I think the only way out of this situation for Alec is to come out." She says, and continues to explain herself before anyone else can interrupt her. "I mean, you came out a few years ago, right?" She asks, motioning at a still shocked Clary.

"Yes I did, but I want to remind you that that's _my_ mother we're talking about. And that it didn't exactly receive positive reactions, especially not from _your_ mother." It's true, when Clary came out as a lesbian a few years ago, no one was pleased. Jocelyn didn't love it but she came to accept it, but Izzy's parents, especially her mother, wouldn't let it die down. It was around that time that Alec started skipping family dinners and breakfasts, just coming to terms with himself, and fled to Lydia's more often than not. 

And even now, her parents still give her a stern look when she mentions Clary, even when she has given her mother no reason to believe she is anything but straight. Which isn't the truth, but Izzy believes herself to be good at keeping secrets from her parents. Her father doesn't mind as much, and she doesn't know if it's because he doesn't care about it or because he has a soft spot for Isabelle. Which brings her back to her point. 

"I know my mother's reaction," Izzy starts, rolling her eyes in annoyance, and Clary giggles because she can fully understand how done Izzy is with her mother. "But I also know that my father didn't react badly. That he kept quiet about it because of mom, but that he didn't exactly love her attitude either. And he has a giant soft spot for me. If I can just talk to him, maybe it wouldn't completely end up in disaster. We have to face the fact that Dad is probably Alec's only chance to escape from an arranged marriage." 

There's a heavy silence between them as her friends try to process her train of thought. Raphael nods slightly, shooting a smile at Izzy, who gladly smiles back at him. Simon follows Raphael's example after a while, slowly nodding his head, and eventually, even Clary does. 

"And what if he doesn't do it?" Her voice is small, hesitant, and Izzy feels her throat tighten. 

"That's a risk we have to take." 

* *

Alec lies on the couch, head on Magnus' lap, who's quietly chatting with Jace. He's comfortable like that, Magnus' hands gently rakes through his hair, his brother's voice mixing with his boyfriend's, and for a second, he lets himself imagine his future like this. A future with Magnus and all of their friends happy and content, creating a safe space for their kids that they themselves never had.

He lets himself paint the picture before his imaginary eye: one or two kids, running around the house, squealing at Clary’s grimaces and laughing at Meliorn’s stories. Calm evenings with Magnus, sitting together and drinking wine, hands intertwined. He imagines being respected and accepted, not just he, but all of them - Izzy, Jace, Clary, Meliorn, Lydia, _Magnus_. He feels a smile tugging at his lips, and he feels it turning sad when he thinks back about what his reality looks like.

He slept until noon, clinging onto Magnus with everything he had. When Magnus convinced him to get up eventually, they met a confused Jace and went on to briefly explain the situation. 

Magnus and Alec talked a lot, about what will happen and what won’t. It has taken Alec a lot of strength but he agreed to Magnus’ offer not to see him again until this mess is over. Not that Alec doesn’t want him there every second, but they both know that Magnus being around would only make it more difficult for them. 

Not that it is going to be easy like that, but it’s not as heartbreaking.

Alec is pulled out of his thoughts when he hears footsteps from downstairs, and he is already starting to panic when he realizes that it’s Izzy that’s coming home, not his parents. He lets out a sigh of relief and sits up, sliding an arm around Magnus’ shoulders and leaning his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder. 

Izzy looks exhausted, and there’s something in her gaze that Alec can’t quite put his finger on when he gets up to hug her tightly. She wraps her arms around him tightly and places a kiss on the side of his head.

“You look better.” She states, and Alec would take offense in her words if he didn’t know how true they are. But he does, and so all he says is a sincere “thank you” before he lets her go for her to hug the other two men.

He sits down next to Magnus and Izzy is quick to place herself next to him. She takes a deep breath, and Alec now places the spark in her eyes to be nervousness, which doesn’t necessarily calm him down. He looks at her thoroughly, his eyes searching hers. “Izzy, what is it?”

“We might have found a solution,” she says, averting her gaze, “But I’m not so sure you’re gonna like it.” She breathes in and out and looks at her brother, but he only looks at her steadily, signalizing her to continue. 

“We need to talk to Dad.”

Alec’s eyes widen in shock, his whole body tensing visibly, and Magnus lays one hand around his waist in support. He starts to shake his head, hesitantly, the movement barely visible. 

“Izzy, what am I supposed to say to him? I can’t just come out, they would never have it, even if Dad would, Mom certainly wouldn’t.” 

Izzy shakes her head, collecting herself with another deep breath, before she starts to explain herself. How he hadn’t cared about it when Clary had come out, how he could buy them some time and help them to convince their mother, and how he wouldn’t even have to do it, how she would take that off him if he wanted to.

For a long time, nobody says anything. 

Jace thinks about how whatever choice his brother is going to make will affect his future.

Magnus thinks about how enormous the task that Isabelle just proposed is, for all of them.

And Alec thinks about it all. How his decision will affect not only him, but his siblings and their futures, how it will affect Magnus. How big the decision is he is about to make. How gigantic her plan is, how much it would take from all of them to go through with it. Everything that could go wrong. What would happen if they estimated the wrong decision from either of their parents? 

He lets another minute pass after he makes up his mind, to gather his courage, and then he speaks up, his voice quiet.

"Okay"


End file.
